The Top of The Aggro Crag - Nickelodeon’s Guts
The top of the Aggro Crag has to be the most triumphant place in the world.
This is what Kanye West must have been feeling when he wrote “The Glory”.
Sorry blue and purple, this victory belongs to me and my red shirt. I didn’t even need those extra points earned with my bungee basketball skills and my kayak prowess in the wave pool.
Did the strobe lights and glitter canons slow you down? You should have worn goggles bitch. Did you miss an actuator and a Crag Troll made you turn around? Not me. My climb to the top was flawless. I spent months preparing for this. Long nights running up the stairs while my sister flashed the lights on and off and my brother threw rock-shaped pillows at me. Did you actually think those “nuclear flying crystals” were real? Please, it was just shiny paper. Champions don’t get slowed down by treadmills and 2-foot climbs.
That’s why I’m standing at the top, looking down. Watching you struggle to finish. I’m at the top basking in the adoration of the audience inside the Extreme Arena and feeling the envy of kids around the world. I did it for the glory. Aggro Crag, MegaCrag, Super Aggro Crag; I top them all. Gold medal around my neck and a glowing piece of the Crag held high above my head.
Hey Mo! Tell ‘em what my time was.